


In All Truth

by Seblainer



Category: Queer as Folk (US)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Episode Related, Points of View
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-12-25
Updated: 2007-12-25
Packaged: 2019-02-05 15:21:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12797208
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Seblainer/pseuds/Seblainer
Summary: Gapfiller 302 my way. Brian thinks about, and talks to Justin, the day after the Rage party.





	In All Truth

**Author's Note:**

> Note from Haven, the archivist: This story was originally archived at [Fandom Haven Story Archive (FHSA)](http://fanlore.org/wiki/Fandom_Haven_Story_Archive), was scheduled to shut down at the end of 2016. To preserve the archive, I began working with the OTW to transfer the stories to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in November 2017. If you are this creator and the work hasn't transferred to your AO3 account, please contact me using the e-mail address on [Fandom Haven Story Archive collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/fhsa/profile).

Brian’s POV

 

I roll over in bed, reaching for him, reaching for Justin, only to find that he’s not there. I feel like screaming, but I don’t allow myself to do so.

 

I get up, and head for the closet. Grabbing some clothes, I lay them on the toilet, and then I step into the shower. Turning on the shower head, I pause as the hot water washes over me.

 

After I scrub my body, and wash and rinse my hair, I step out of the shower, dry off, and then begin to dress. A few minutes later, I’m sitting at my computer, working on a new account.

 

An hour later, I close the file I was working on, and walk over to the couch and sit down. Flipping on the TV, I begin looking for something to watch.

 

All of a sudden I hear someone walk in, and I know that it’s Justin. I keep my eyes on the TV, and say, “What?” I hear him shuffle his feet nervously, and then he speaks softly. “We need to talk.”

 

He tells me that he no longer wants me to pay for PIFA, and I stare at him. After several moments of silence, I shrug, and say, “Fine.”

 

I really don’t want him here, yet I don’t want him to leave, either. Actually, I don’t know what the hell I want. I look up at him, and he runs a hand through his blonde hair.

 

I ache to do the same, but I force myself to remain where I am, and I listen as he begins to speak again. “I really appreciate everything that you have done for me. You didn’t have to, and I’m grateful.”

 

He pauses for a moment, and I smirk at him and say, “I know I didn’t have to. I wanted to.” It’s my turn to pause, and I say, “So…” Justin sighs softly.

 

Then he speaks again. “So, thanks.” Justin turns and starts for the door, pausing again as he reaches it. He turns back to face me, and I wait to see what he’s going to say.

 

“I’m sorry, Brian. It’s just, you just... You can’t give me what I need.” His words hurt me, but I don’t change my expression. “Not can’t,” I tell him.

 

Justin stares at me. “Excuse me?” He says softly, surprised. I clear my throat and then repeat myself. “I said, it’s not that I can’t give you what you need. It’s that I won’t.”

 

Justin doesn’t say anything else. He doesn’t need to. He just bites his lip, walks over to the door and opens it. Moments later, Justin is gone again.

 

After all, he would have left me eventually. I just made it happen sooner. It was inevitable. Justin is a teenager. He’s still so young, and deserves a chance to see what the world has to offer him.

 

If I'd have let him stay, I would've only been holding him back. I would never do that to him, hell, to anyone. If I've learned anything from dealing with the mess I had created for Michael and Dr. Dave, it’s that you have to let people go sometimes. 

 

You have to let them go even if you don’t want to, and just hope that they will still love you, won’t forget you, and will come back to you when they are ready.

 

It was hard, seeing him with Ethan. I miss Justin, but I'd never say that to him. I could never say that to him. I don’t want to ruin what could be his chance for true happiness.

 

I don’t want Justin to suffer any more. He’s just a kid, a beautiful, smart, funny kid, who has already been through so much. 

 

But even though Justin may still be a kid, he’s much more of a man than I could ever hope to be.

 

He knows what he wants, and won’t stop until he gets it. For that I admire him, and I hope he knows it. I hope Justin knows that he’s a lot stronger than anyone gives him credit for.

 

Sure, the bashing was awful, and the pain and suffering that he's been going through because of it, has been hell, but I know that Justin will make it through.

 

He’s a smart little fucker, and I believe with everything in me, that nothing will stop him from getting what he wants, what he needs.

 

The only thing that hurts, is the knowledge that I’m not what he wants, or what he needs anymore, and it kills me to admit it, even to myself.

 

I want the best for him, like I do for Gus. I mean, sure, Justin and I are no longer together, but I had still planned on paying for him to go to PIFA.

 

When he was here an hour ago, telling me I didn’t have to pay for PIFA anymore, I could only stare at him. I know he felt shitty using my money while cheating on me, but hell, we are all human.

 

I wanted to tell Justin that this was only the beginning. That if he couldn’t be happy with what was offered to him, or if he couldn’t read between the lines and be able to see that I love him, then he would end up alone. 

 

But I didn’t. I just sat there and talked to him as if we were mere acquaintances who were discussing the terms for a loan. 

 

In all truth, I wanted to tell Justin that I love him. I wanted to tell him that I need him, and that I care about him, more than he would ever know.

 

I wanted to ask him to stay with me, and never leave, so I could be sure that he was always safe. That a repeat of the Prom would never happen. But of course I couldn’t say any of that. I’m Brian fucking Kinney, and I don’t do romance or love, and I don’t care about anyone but myself. Of course, that was before I met HIM.

 

The End.


End file.
